The Cost of Conflict Avoidance—Especially in the Church


Conflict avoidance may feel like the path of peace, but over time, it often leads to deeper division, resentment, and spiritual stagnation. In church settings—where harmony, kindness, and unity are deeply valued—many believers mistakenly equate avoiding conflict with godliness. However, Scripture models a different approach: one of truth spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15), relationships rooted in honesty, and communities built on accountability and grace.

Conflict Avoidance Is a Spiritual Issue

At its core, conflict avoidance often stems from fear: fear of rejection, fear of discomfort, fear of rocking the boat. But Scripture tells us that “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV). When we shrink back from truth in order to maintain superficial peace, we are often operating out of self-protection rather than Spirit-led courage.

In fact, Scripture calls this fear of man a snare (Proverbs 29:25). When believers avoid necessary conflict to preserve their own comfort or reputation, they may be placing human approval above obedience to Christ. Conflict, when approached in a Christlike way, is not about winning arguments—it’s about guarding the truth, promoting healing, and protecting the body of Christ from deception or dysfunction.

The Hidden Damage of Avoiding Conflict

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make problems disappear; it simply allows them to grow in the dark. Hidden sin, relational dysfunction, and theological error all thrive in environments where honest dialogue is discouraged. When leaders or members of a church choose silence in the face of abuse, manipulation, or false teaching, they do not maintain unity—they destroy it.

As Paul warned in 1 Corinthians 5, tolerating unaddressed sin in the body can spread like yeast through dough. His solution was not avoidance but firm, loving confrontation, always aimed at restoration (Galatians 6:1). Conflict avoidance in these contexts isn’t neutral—it is a failure of love, truth, and courage.

Even in less dramatic cases—simple relational misunderstandings, tension among team members, or hurt feelings—choosing not to engage can breed bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble.” Sometimes what looks like unity on the surface is actually a silence fueled by unresolved pain.

Conflict as a Tool for Growth

Handled biblically, conflict becomes a refining tool. It forces us to wrestle with our pride, listen to others’ perspectives, and seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance for our words and actions. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Sharpening involves friction—but it produces greater strength and clarity.

Conflict also deepens relationships. When two people work through a difficult issue with honesty, humility, and grace, their bond often grows stronger. They come to know and trust one another more deeply. By contrast, avoiding hard conversations often keeps relationships shallow or fragile, easily fractured by unresolved issues beneath the surface.

In Matthew 18:15–17, Jesus gives clear instructions for resolving conflict: go directly to the person, seek reconciliation, and involve others only if needed. His model promotes integrity, privacy, and restoration. Ignoring the issue entirely is not presented as a faithful option.

Jesus and the Courage to Confront

Jesus did not avoid conflict. He turned over tables in the temple when religious leaders exploited worship (Matthew 21:12–13). He directly challenged the Pharisees for their hypocrisy (Matthew 23). He rebuked Peter when Peter tried to steer Him away from the cross (Mark 8:33). Jesus spoke truth boldly and clearly—but always with purpose and love.

As His followers, we are not called to be passive peacekeepers, but active peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Biblical peacemaking involves pursuing reconciliation, justice, and truth—even when it's uncomfortable. As Paul exhorted Timothy, “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). Courageous truth-telling is a mark of spiritual maturity, not hostility.

The True Meaning of Peace

In Scripture, peace is never presented as the mere absence of conflict. True peace—shalom—is wholeness, righteousness, and right relationship with God and others. That kind of peace often requires going through conflict, not around it.

Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” This doesn’t mean peace at any cost. It means doing all we can to pursue peace without compromising truth. Ephesians 4:3 urges us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” But unity in the Spirit is not built on fear, silence, or performance—it is built on the foundation of Christ, in whom truth and grace perfectly meet (John 1:14).

Choosing Growth Over Comfort

Avoiding conflict may feel easier in the moment, but it comes at a high cost: spiritual stagnation, shallow relationships, and compromised integrity. The gospel is not a call to comfort, but to transformation. And sometimes, transformation begins with a hard conversation.

The Church does not need more people who avoid conflict—it needs more people willing to speak the truth in love, confront sin with grace, and pursue real peace that is rooted in righteousness. It needs people who fear God more than man, who love truth more than approval, and who trust the Holy Spirit to guide them through discomfort into deeper unity.

Let’s not settle for cheap peace. Let’s choose the kind that comes through truth, love, and Christlike courage.


Rooted in Jesus Grace,

Mara Wellspring 

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