About Me

 A Journey of Healing and Truth: My Story of Leaving an Unhealthy Church



I have been a Christian my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a part of the church — volunteering in countless capacities, raising my kids in its embrace, going on mission trips, serving in camp ministry, and being a small group leader. I thought I had it all figured out. My life in church was good — I was popular, surrounded by church friends, and doing what I thought was the right thing.

Then, COVID hit. Everything changed. The church shut down, and with it, so did everything I thought I knew about church life. For a while, everything was taken away. The activities, the meetings, the fellowship — it all disappeared. But through it all, I still had Jesus. I still sought Him. And in my seeking, my eyes began to open.

For the first time, I started seeing the church differently. I began to see the church as an institution. I began to notice how polarized people had become. There was a disturbing absence of character and good fruit. Everything seemed fractured. When the church reopened, I began to see people and leaders in a new light. The veneer that had once concealed so much was gone. The scales from my eyes fell away, and I could see what was hidden before.

There were layers of manipulation and control. This wasn’t a healthy organization. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. So, I stepped down from volunteering and took some space. I watched. I prayed. I stayed silent for a year, seeking clarity and peace.

But the more I prayed, the more I saw — I could not continue in this environment. I met with several leaders, including board representatives, and shared what I had seen. After much thought, prayer, and conversation, I withdrew my membership from that church and by God's grace, found a new healthy one.

The aftermath was painful. The loss was real. I was given the scarlet letter — labeled as hurt, as someone who was bitter. I was ostracized and left alone. It felt like the church had turned its back on me for daring to ask tough questions and speak up. But even in all the pain, Jesus never left me.

Through all of this, one truth remained clear: I still believe in the church. But not the way it is often presented in places that are unhealthy. The church is supposed to be the body of Christ. He loves it, He died for it, and it’s meant to be a place of healing, growth, and truth. I had to pursue what the church is supposed to be, not the institution I had been a part of.

As I sought God, my eyes were opened even further. I saw false theology, false belonging, and false community. For years, I was blind to it. I participated in it. I endorsed it. And now, there was so much repentance needed. I was silenced for years — no one wanted to hear the truth. The church was a god in the community, and anyone who spoke out against it was seen as angry, bitter, or ungrateful. I knew that I had to speak, but no one was willing to listen.

So, I created this blog.

I know there are others out there who are experiencing the same struggles, the same confusion, the same pain. And I want them to know they are not alone. If you’re questioning your place in a similar church, if you’re unsure what to do next, this is for you. I need to share my story because someone needs to hear it. This blog is for me, to find my voice in the midst of the pain. And it’s for you, for those who are sorting things out and desiring healing, growth, and truth.

I want to be clear: this blog is not about hating God or His children. It’s not about tearing down the church as a whole. It’s about pursuing sanctification, healing, and hope. It’s about being honest and transparent about what’s been hidden. It’s for those who want to see the church for what it truly is — and for those who are still holding on to hope that it can be better.

I love the church. But I cannot ignore the truths that have been revealed to me. And I must speak them. This journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. For healing, for growth, for truth. For JESUS!



Rooted in Jesus Grace,

Mara Wellspring

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