Rooted in Jesus Grace

For many Christians, the word “love” has been so twisted, misused, and weaponized that it barely resembles what Scripture actually teaches. If you’ve ever been told that “loving like Jesus” means tolerating abuse, accepting toxic behavior, or remaining silent to keep the peace—you’re not alone. Somewhere along the line, love got distorted into something sentimental, soft, and self-erasing. It’s time to reclaim what love actually is. Because real love is not spineless. It’s not enabling. It’s not rooted in guilt. Real love is strong. It’s discerning. It’s truthful. And in a world—and sometimes a church—that confuses love with appeasement, we desperately need to recover the biblical definition. Love Is Not Appeasement Too many churches teach that love is about being endlessly agreeable. That loving someone means never making them uncomfortable, never confronting their behavior, never creating distance. But that’s not love—that’s appeasement. Appeasement avoids conflict to maintain the il...

In the name of love, many churches are teaching believers—especially women—to be doormats. To be endlessly tolerant. To stay in relationship with those who harm them. To forgive without repentance. To love without limits. To absorb pain quietly, privately, and perpetually—because “that’s what Jesus would do.” But that is not what Jesus did. In fact, that narrative is nowhere in Scripture. And yet, it’s everywhere in Christian culture. Victims are routinely told to be more understanding, more forgiving, more loving—while narcissists, manipulators, and emotionally abusive people are rarely challenged. Their sin is glossed over in favor of “keeping the peace,” and their victims are left isolated, confused, and spiritually gaslit. This is not the gospel. This is doormat theology—and it’s time to expose it. The Unspoken Rules: Be Nice. Be Quiet. Be Submissive. Many Christians are raised with the implicit message that "niceness" is next to godliness. You’re taught to avoid conflict...

There’s a particular kind of harm that happens when churches misuse the word “love.” It’s not always loud or obvious. Often, it’s dressed in soft words and spiritual language—verses about patience, sermons on forgiveness, exhortations to be peacemakers. But behind the Christian jargon is a disturbing reality: victims of emotional and psychological abuse are often pressured to stay silent, stay close, and stay "loving"—even when their well-being is at stake. I’ve seen it firsthand, and I’m no longer willing to call it love. In many Christian circles, setting a boundary is viewed as unloving. Distancing yourself from someone—especially a family member or someone in your church community—is often framed as bitterness, unforgiveness, or rebellion. But what if that person is a narcissist? What if they manipulate, lie, gaslight, or repeatedly demean you? You quickly discover that there’s often more grace in the church for the abuser than for the one drawing a line in the sand. Boun...