Toxic Positivity in the Church: When Encouragement Becomes Invalidation


In many churches today, encouragement is abundant—and that’s a good thing. The Bible calls us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Yet, sometimes, what is intended as encouragement can cross a dangerous line into what we might call toxic positivity—a superficial, overly simplistic form of positivity that dismisses or invalidates real pain, struggles, and suffering. As followers of Christ, called to walk alongside one another in love, we must ask: Are we offering true biblical compassion, or are we masking real pain with cheap clichés?


What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity happens when well-meaning believers insist on positive thinking at all times, no matter what. It’s the insistence that faith means never feeling doubt, sorrow, or anger. It’s when “just pray about it,” “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” or “everything happens for a reason” are repeated so often that they become trite responses that shut down real dialogue.

These phrases, while rooted in biblical truths, become harmful when used as blunt instruments to silence pain rather than to encourage healing. They imply that if you struggle with fear, depression, grief, or anger, you are somehow failing in your faith or lacking trust in God. This is simply not true—and it’s not the gospel.

The Biblical Picture of Suffering and Empathy

The Bible never tells us to put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine. On the contrary, Scripture is filled with examples of God’s people experiencing deep anguish, lament, and honest questions:
  • Psalm 42:11 cries out, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
  • The book of Job is a profound study of suffering. Job openly questions God, expresses grief, and laments his situation without fear of condemnation.
  • Jesus Himself, fully God and fully man, wept at Lazarus’s tomb (John 11:35) and agonized in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:38), showing raw human emotion.
These examples reveal a God who invites us to bring our real feelings before Him. He doesn’t demand “toxic positivity,” but genuine honesty.

Why Toxic Positivity Hurts

When the church leans into toxic positivity, it causes several harms:
  1. Invalidation of Real Pain: By saying, “Just be positive” or “Have faith, don’t doubt,” we can make people feel ashamed of their emotions. Instead of a safe place, the church becomes a place where pain is hidden or denied.
  2. Isolation: People struggling with depression, anxiety, or grief may feel they can’t talk openly for fear of judgment or platitudes. This isolates them from the very support the church should provide.
  3. False Gospel: Reducing faith to a “positive thinking” formula distorts the gospel. The good news of Christ includes redemption through suffering, hope amid despair, and grace for weakness—not the denial of difficulties.
  4. Burnout and Spiritual Guilt: Those who don’t “measure up” to constant positivity may feel they’re failing God, leading to spiritual burnout and guilt.

Common Toxic Positivity Phrases in the Church

Here are some common phrases that, though often said with good intentions, can cause harm if used without empathy:
  • “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” While comforting on the surface, this phrase oversimplifies suffering and places unrealistic expectations on believers. Paul, for example, prayed three times for God to remove his “thorn in the flesh,” but God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). This shows that struggles often exceed what we can handle in our own strength, and that is why we need grace.
  • “Just pray about it and have faith.” Prayer and faith are essential, but this phrase can be dismissive when someone is desperate for real help. Sometimes, people need more than encouragement—they need counseling, community, and practical support.
  • “Everything happens for a reason.” While God is sovereign, this phrase can feel cold and hurtful to those suffering tragedy or injustice. It can minimize their pain instead of comforting them with the truth of God’s presence in the midst of suffering (Romans 8:28).
  • “Be positive! God wants you to be happy.” The Christian life is not always about happiness but about holiness and hope. We are called to rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16), but also to mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15).

What the Church Should Offer Instead: Real Empathy and Compassion

The church should be a sanctuary of biblical empathy, compassion, and truth—not toxic positivity. Here’s how we can foster that:
  1. Listen First, Speak Later: Sometimes the best thing we can do is listen without trying to fix or quickly “put a positive spin” on things.
  2. Validate Feelings, Point to Hope: Acknowledge pain honestly. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. It’s okay to feel this way. God is with you.” Then gently point to Scripture that offers hope, like Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
  3. Walk with Them Through Suffering: Follow the example of Christ and the early church. Bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Sometimes presence matters more than words.
  4. Encourage Honest Prayer and Lament: Help people see that bringing honest feelings to God is part of faith. Lament is a biblical genre that teaches us how to pray in the hard times.
  5. Offer Practical Help: Sometimes toxic positivity comes from discomfort with suffering. Train yourself and your church to offer real support—whether through counseling referrals, prayer ministries, or community care.

Conclusion

True encouragement in the church is not about putting on a fake smile or repeating clichés. It’s about walking alongside one another in the reality of brokenness and pain while pointing to the hope we have in Christ. Jesus is the Good Shepherd who does not shy away from our wounds but binds them with His grace.

As Paul reminds us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Let’s be a church that truly mourns, truly rejoices, and truly walks together—offering real empathy and compassion, not toxic positivity.


Rooted in Jesus Grace,

Mara Wellspring 

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