Forgiveness Without Clarity: When Well-Meaning Messages Miss the Mark

Forgiveness is central to the Christian faith—but it’s also one of the most misunderstood concepts in Christian teaching. Sometimes, in an effort to promote healing or spiritual victory, forgiveness gets oversimplified into something sentimental, performative, or even harmful.

A recent message I heard emphasized the importance of forgiving quickly and responding with love to those who hurt us. It made some compelling points: love is an action, forgiveness requires surrender, and Jesus modeled radical love for His enemies. These are true—and deeply challenging.

But the message also left out crucial theological truths, and in doing so, it risked distorting the gospel and the true nature of biblical forgiveness.

Let’s look at what was missing, and how we can do better.

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1. The Root Problem Isn’t Offense—It’s Sin

The sermon claimed that “offense is the #1 killer of our love for God.”

That may sound profound, but it’s not biblically accurate.

The real enemy of our love for God is sin and unbelief. Offense may be one symptom of these deeper issues, but to make it the primary culprit misses the biblical diagnosis. Romans 1 shows us that what kills love for God is a refusal to honour Him, to believe His truth, and to submit to His authority. Hebrews 3:12 warns against “an evil, unbelieving heart” that turns away from the living God.

Bitterness and offense are real, but they are fruit—not the root.

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2. Forgiveness Without Repentance? That Depends.

Mark 11:25 teaches us to forgive when we pray, as does Matthew 6:14–15. These verses call us to release bitterness before God and entrust justice to Him. This is vertical forgiveness—a posture of the heart before the Lord.

But relational reconciliation in Scripture often hinges on repentance. Luke 17:3–4 says, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” That’s not a contradiction—it’s a recognition that full restoration between people requires truth and humility on both sides.

We don’t get to harbor bitterness or withhold forgiveness in our hearts. But neither does Scripture demand that we pretend relational reconciliation has happened when repentance hasn’t. There’s a difference between forgiveness offered and forgiveness received.

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3. Abuse Is Not Just a “Different Case”—It Requires Justice

The sermon offered a caveat about abuse: “That’s different. Get out and get help.”

But that was barely a footnote.

That’s not good enough.

Abuse is not just a variation on relational difficulty—it is a profound violation of God’s image and design. Forgiveness in abusive contexts must be paired with protection, justice, accountability, and often legal intervention.

Encouraging abuse survivors to quickly “act in love” toward their abuser without addressing power, trauma, or justice is dangerous and spiritually damaging. Love does not enable evil. It exposes it (Eph. 5:11). God’s heart is not just for the offender’s healing—it’s for the wounded to be protected and restored.

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4. Love Isn’t Blind to Evil

Romans 12:21 teaches us to overcome evil with good. But “good” doesn’t always mean smiling and serving someone who continues in unrepentant sin. Sometimes love confronts. Sometimes love removes itself. Sometimes love says, “I won’t repay you with evil—but I also won’t enable this sin.”

Jesus loved the Pharisees—but He also rebuked them harshly. He loved the rich young ruler—but let him walk away. He didn’t manipulate people with false niceness or push people to reconcile without repentance. His love was holy, not just soft.

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5. Love Without Discernment Is Not Biblical Love

The sermon challenged the objection, “If I love them, they’ll think I approve of what they did.” And while it’s true that love doesn’t require approval, it also doesn’t ignore discernment.

Too often in churches, people are told to suppress their instincts, concerns, or warnings in the name of love. But 1 John 4:1 commands us to “test the spirits.” Philippians 1:9 says love must “abound more and more in knowledge and all discernment.” Love without discernment can become naïveté. And when applied in toxic or abusive situations, it becomes complicity.

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6. Jesus Laid Down His Rights—but Not to Enable Sin

Yes, Jesus gave up His rights and laid down His life. But He didn’t do that to excuse sin—He did it to deal with sin in truth and love. He didn’t call victims of injustice to die for the sins of others. He died to remove the power of sin, not perpetuate it.

So when someone tells you, “Just forgive and lay down your rights,” ask:

Whose rights are being laid down?

Is this a Christlike sacrifice, or spiritual pressure to ignore evil?

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7. A Better Vision of Forgiveness

Here’s what biblical forgiveness really looks like:

• It begins in the heart, as we release bitterness and entrust judgment to God (Rom. 12:19).

• It seeks restoration, but only where there is repentance and truth (Luke 17:3–4).

• It refuses revenge, but doesn’t ignore consequences (Gal. 6:7).

• It protects the vulnerable, not just the offender (Isa. 1:17).

• It imitates Jesus, who was full of grace and truth (John 1:14).

Forgiveness is not a formula. It is a Spirit-empowered journey that honors both mercy and justice, both love and wisdom.

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In Summary

Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel—but we must not flatten it into a therapeutic action plan or reduce it to emotional compliance. When the church teaches forgiveness without repentance, discernment, or justice, it risks enabling sin, silencing the wounded, and misrepresenting God.

Let’s be people who forgive—deeply and truly.

But let’s also be people who love in truth.

Who speak up for the vulnerable.

And who refuse to reduce radical, holy forgiveness to a cheap performance of niceness.

Because biblical forgiveness is not just action—it’s also truth.

And both are essential if we are to love like Jesus.

Rooted in Jesus Grace,

Mara Wellspring