Rooted in Jesus Grace

When the topic of dealing with toxic or unrepentant people comes up, many Christians quickly hear an all-too-familiar message: “Just be nice. Forgive everyone. Love without limits.” While these principles have their place, they often get twisted into a call for passive endurance, silence, or even self-sacrifice to the point of harm. But what if the church has missed the real model for handling toxic people? What if Jesus’ own example offers a clearer, wiser, and stronger way forward—one that includes boundaries, confrontation, and even walking away? It’s time to look closely at how Jesus actually dealt with dangerous, manipulative, and unrepentant individuals—and why the church today would benefit from following his lead. Jesus Walked Away When It Was Necessary One of the most striking examples of Jesus’ interaction with difficult people is his willingness to walk away. In  Luke 4:30 , after Jesus proclaimed the good news in his hometown synagogue, the people tried to throw him off...

One of the hardest truths to accept—especially in Christian communities—is that you can deeply love someone and still need to walk away from them. Whether it’s a family member, a spouse, a close friend, or even a church leader, choosing distance or disconnection from someone who is unrepentant or unsafe often feels counterintuitive, confusing, and spiritually conflicted. Yet, this difficult choice can be an act of love—both for yourself and for the other person. It’s not a sign of failure or lack of faith. Rather, it is rooted in biblical wisdom, healthy boundaries, and emotional and spiritual healing. Biblical Support for Separation from Toxic People The Bible never commands us to remain in harmful situations or to endure abuse. In fact, Scripture offers clear examples and principles that support separation when necessary. Jesus Walked Away : Jesus himself did not stay where he was not welcomed or safe. In Luke 4:30, when the people of Nazareth rejected him, “he walked away.” Jesus un...

The word  love  gets thrown around a lot in Christian spaces—but sometimes, what’s called “love” is actually something much more dangerous. Many victims of abuse—especially emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse—have been harmed not only by their abuser but also by their church. Why? Because well-meaning (and sometimes not-so-well-meaning) Christians have misused the idea of “love” to pressure victims into silence, guilt, and ongoing harm. These lies often sound holy. They’re framed as obedience, forgiveness, or faithfulness. But beneath the surface, they distort Scripture, protect abusers, and retraumatize those already wounded. It’s time to name the lies. Because real love—God’s love—is never manipulative. It doesn’t demand victims keep suffering. And it certainly doesn’t silence the truth. Here are  4 lies the church tells victims in the name of love —and the truth that sets people free. Lie #1: “Love Always Stays” Victims are often told that if they  really...

There’s a myth that’s been quietly poisoning church culture for generations. It doesn’t come from Scripture, but it’s been preached from pulpits, whispered in prayer groups, and implied in countless conversations. It’s the myth of the  bitter woman —the idea that any woman who speaks up, sets boundaries, or challenges injustice must be harboring resentment, rebellion, or an unhealed heart. This myth has silenced survivors. It’s protected abusers. And it’s distorted the biblical call to justice into a caricature of female emotionalism. It’s time to name it. It’s time to expose it. And it’s time to bury it once and for all. How the “Bitter Woman” Trope Silences Truth-Telling When a woman finally gathers the courage to speak up—whether about abuse, toxic leadership, or a harmful culture—she often meets a familiar wall:  “She’s just bitter.” That one phrase does a lot of work. It casts doubt on her credibility. It redirects attention away from the issue she’s raising. And it subtl...

For many Christians, the word “love” has been so twisted, misused, and weaponized that it barely resembles what Scripture actually teaches. If you’ve ever been told that “loving like Jesus” means tolerating abuse, accepting toxic behavior, or remaining silent to keep the peace—you’re not alone. Somewhere along the line, love got distorted into something sentimental, soft, and self-erasing. It’s time to reclaim what love actually is. Because real love is not spineless. It’s not enabling. It’s not rooted in guilt. Real love is strong. It’s discerning. It’s truthful. And in a world—and sometimes a church—that confuses love with appeasement, we desperately need to recover the biblical definition. Love Is Not Appeasement Too many churches teach that love is about being endlessly agreeable. That loving someone means never making them uncomfortable, never confronting their behavior, never creating distance. But that’s not love—that’s appeasement. Appeasement avoids conflict to maintain the il...

In the name of love, many churches are teaching believers—especially women—to be doormats. To be endlessly tolerant. To stay in relationship with those who harm them. To forgive without repentance. To love without limits. To absorb pain quietly, privately, and perpetually—because “that’s what Jesus would do.” But that is not what Jesus did. In fact, that narrative is nowhere in Scripture. And yet, it’s everywhere in Christian culture. Victims are routinely told to be more understanding, more forgiving, more loving—while narcissists, manipulators, and emotionally abusive people are rarely challenged. Their sin is glossed over in favor of “keeping the peace,” and their victims are left isolated, confused, and spiritually gaslit. This is not the gospel. This is doormat theology—and it’s time to expose it. The Unspoken Rules: Be Nice. Be Quiet. Be Submissive. Many Christians are raised with the implicit message that "niceness" is next to godliness. You’re taught to avoid conflict...

There’s a particular kind of harm that happens when churches misuse the word “love.” It’s not always loud or obvious. Often, it’s dressed in soft words and spiritual language—verses about patience, sermons on forgiveness, exhortations to be peacemakers. But behind the Christian jargon is a disturbing reality: victims of emotional and psychological abuse are often pressured to stay silent, stay close, and stay "loving"—even when their well-being is at stake. I’ve seen it firsthand, and I’m no longer willing to call it love. In many Christian circles, setting a boundary is viewed as unloving. Distancing yourself from someone—especially a family member or someone in your church community—is often framed as bitterness, unforgiveness, or rebellion. But what if that person is a narcissist? What if they manipulate, lie, gaslight, or repeatedly demean you? You quickly discover that there’s often more grace in the church for the abuser than for the one drawing a line in the sand. Boun...

In recent years, a growing number of churches and movements have embraced a theological view that claims Christians are meant to "take back" the world for God by gaining control over cultural, political, and societal institutions. This teaching, known as  dominionism , is especially influential in movements like the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) and among prominent leaders at Bethel Church in Redding, California. Though often wrapped in passionate calls for revival, dominionism isn’t simply about influencing culture—it’s about  controlling it . It casts a vision of the church conquering the "mountains" of society and establishing God’s rule before Jesus returns. But beneath the inspirational language is a profound theological shift—one that compromises the sovereignty of God, redefines the gospel, and misrepresents the church’s mission. What Is Dominionism? At its core,  dominionism teaches that the church has been given divine authority to establish God's kin...

Spiritual abuse is a silent plague that devastates churches and individuals alike. In   Bully Pulpit , Michael J. Kruger highlights how abusive leadership—marked by control, manipulation, and favoritism—destroys trust and wounds souls. But beyond exposing the problem, Kruger urges the church to move forward with deliberate steps of prevention and accountability to protect the flock and preserve the integrity of Christ’s body. This post explores those proactive measures, emphasizing that preventing spiritual abuse is not just about fixing broken systems—it’s about cultivating a culture of godly character, transparency, and care. Character Over Competency: Choosing Leaders God’s Way One of the foundational principles Kruger highlights is prioritizing  character over mere competency  in selecting church leaders. Too often, churches are tempted to elevate gifted or charismatic individuals who may lack spiritual maturity or humility. Paul’s letters to Timothy and Titus provide...