Restoration: Gently Restore Others Part 5


When someone has wronged us, our natural reactions can vary widely. Some of us might withdraw and build walls. Others may lash out in anger or seek revenge. Many may avoid confrontation altogether, hoping the problem will just go away. But the Bible calls us to a different approach—one rooted in humility, grace, and love.

Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker offers a clear, practical roadmap for restoration that can transform conflict into an opportunity for healing and growth. Central to this is the principle of gently restoring others when they have wronged us.

The Starting Point: Go Privately First

Jesus provides the foundational guideline for restoration in Matthew 18:15:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”

This instruction is profound in its simplicity. When someone offends us, our first step should be private and personal. This respects the dignity of the other person and prevents the conflict from escalating or becoming a public spectacle.

Going privately shows that restoration is not about shaming or punishing, but about lovingly seeking to bring healing. It requires courage and humility to initiate this step, especially when we’ve been hurt. But it also demonstrates our commitment to the relationship and our faith in God’s power to work in the heart of the offender.

The Three Ps of Restoration

Ken Sande breaks down the process of restoration into what he calls the Three Ps — a helpful framework to keep our focus on God’s purposes and to restore in a biblical way:

  1. Proclaim God’s forgiveness
  2. Point them toward repentance
  3. Promote reconciliation

Let’s explore each of these in detail.

1. Proclaim God’s Forgiveness

Before we can help someone else walk the path of restoration, we must remember—and communicate—the foundation of all restoration: God’s forgiveness.

God’s forgiveness is the ultimate example of grace extended to sinners who don’t deserve it. When we approach someone who has sinned against us, reminding them of God’s forgiveness creates an environment of grace, not condemnation.

This proclamation is not about giving a free pass to wrongdoing or excusing the behavior. Instead, it declares that God’s forgiveness is available, powerful, and sufficient to bring transformation.

When we remind someone of God’s forgiveness, we help them realize that restoration is possible—not because of what they’ve done, but because of what God has done through Christ.

2. Point Them Toward Repentance

Proclaiming forgiveness naturally leads to the next step: pointing toward repentance.

Repentance means a genuine turning away from sin and a turning toward God. It involves:

  • Recognizing the wrong committed
  • Feeling godly sorrow for it
  • Confessing the sin
  • Choosing to change behavior

Sande reminds us that restoration must be rooted in truth and accountability. Without repentance, forgiveness remains incomplete and reconciliation impossible.

Pointing someone toward repentance requires humility and gentleness. It’s not about condemning or lecturing but about lovingly helping them see the impact of their actions and encouraging them to seek God’s grace to change.

3. Promote Reconciliation

The ultimate goal of restoration is reconciliation—the restoration of relationship and peace.

Reconciliation does not mean rushing to ignore the offense or pretend it never happened. It means working toward mutual trust and healing over time.

This may require patience, ongoing communication, and sometimes professional or pastoral support. But when we promote reconciliation, we reflect God’s heart for unity and community.

Galatians 6:1 underscores the attitude we should take:

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

This verse emphasizes two key truths:

  • Restoration is a gentle process, not harsh or punitive.
  • Those who restore must remain humble and vigilant against pride or judgmental attitudes.

The Goal Is Healing, Not Punishment

One of the most important clarifications Ken Sande makes is that the goal of restoration is not punishment or revenge, but healing and truth in love.

Punishment focuses on retribution—making the offender “pay” for their wrongdoing. Restoration, by contrast, seeks to bring wholeness to the person who sinned, to the one wronged, and to the relationship itself.

This means we must check our hearts to ensure we are not motivated by bitterness, anger, or desire for control. Instead, we must be motivated by love, compassion, and a desire to see God’s grace at work.

Practical Tips for Gentle Restoration

Restoring someone gently can be difficult, especially when emotions run high. Here are some practical tips inspired by Sande’s principles to help navigate this process:

  • Prepare Your Heart: Pray for wisdom, humility, and love before approaching the person.
  • Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a private, calm setting where you won’t be interrupted.
  • Use “I” Statements: Express how their actions affected you without blaming or accusing. For example, “I felt hurt when…”
  • Listen Actively: Give the other person space to respond and share their perspective.
  • Be Patient: Restoration is often a process, not an instant fix.
  • Offer Grace: Remember that restoration is rooted in God’s grace, not your judgment.
  • Stay Humble: Be open to examining your own heart and part in the conflict.

When Restoration Is Not Possible

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, restoration is not immediately possible. The other person may refuse to listen, reject repentance, or continue harmful behavior.

In such cases, Scripture still guides us to act wisely:

  • Follow the further steps of Matthew 18, involving witnesses or church leadership.
  • Maintain a spirit of forgiveness and openness to future reconciliation.
  • Protect yourself and others from harm if necessary.

Remember, restoration is ultimately God’s work. We are called to be faithful in our part, trusting Him with the outcome.

Conclusion: Restoration Reflects the Heart of the Gospel

Restoration is a powerful expression of the gospel in action. It demonstrates that conflict and sin are not the end, but an opportunity for God’s grace to bring healing and renewal.

By going privately first, using the Three Ps of restoration, and pursuing healing over punishment, we become agents of God’s peace in a broken world.

As Ken Sande wisely teaches, restoring others gently is not easy—but it is essential. It reflects the love of Christ, who restores us from our sins and calls us to be peacemakers.

May we embrace this calling, responding to offenses with grace, truth, and the hope of reconciliation.

 

 

Inspired by Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker—a timeless guide to living out the gospel of peace in everyday life.

 

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