The Slippery Slope of Conflict Responses Part 7


The Slippery Slope of Conflict Responses: Choosing the Path of Peacemaking

Conflict is inevitable. Whether at work, in families, or among friends, disagreements arise—and how we respond can make all the difference between healing and harm. Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker offers a vivid visual tool that captures the spectrum of human responses to conflict, called The Slippery Slope of Conflict Responses. This framework not only helps us understand the choices before us but also challenges us to live as peacemakers—those who handle conflict with honesty, humility, and the gospel.

Understanding the Slippery Slope

Sande’s slippery slope divides conflict responses into three broad categories, each representing a different posture toward conflict and its resolution:

Escape Responses
Peacefakers

Peacemaking Responses

Attack Responses
Peacebreakers

Denial

Flight

Suicide 

Overlook

Reconcile

Negotiate

Mediate

Arbitrate

Accountability 

Assault

Litigation

Murder

 

 

This continuum ranges from destructive avoidance on one end, through healthy and biblically grounded peacemaking in the middle, to destructive aggression on the other end. Let’s dive into each category to understand what they mean and why choosing the middle path matters.

Escape Responses: The Peacefakers

On the far left, we find Escape Responses—ways people try to avoid the pain or discomfort of conflict. These responses include:

  • Denial: Pretending there is no problem, sweeping issues under the rug, or refusing to acknowledge conflict.
  • Flight: Physically or emotionally withdrawing from the conflict, avoiding the person or situation.
  • Suicide: The most tragic escape—taking one’s own life as a way out of overwhelming conflict and pain.

Escape responses might feel easier in the moment—they avoid confrontation and the risk of escalation. But they are ultimately unhealthy because they fail to address the underlying issues. Conflicts left unaddressed tend to fester, causing bitterness, broken relationships, and even lasting emotional damage.

Calling these responses "Peacefakers" is intentional. These are not genuine peace, but false peace—an illusion that can mask deeper problems.

Attack Responses: The Peacebreakers

On the far right, we have Attack Responses—ways people respond to conflict with hostility and aggression. These include:

  • Assault: Physical or verbal violence toward another person.
  • Litigation: Using lawsuits or legal battles as weapons to punish or win at all costs.
  • Murder: The most extreme and tragic form of attacking others, ending a life in response to conflict.

Attack responses damage relationships, destroy trust, and escalate conflict to dangerous levels. They focus on domination, retribution, and control rather than restoration.

These responses are "Peacebreakers" because they shatter peace and leave wounds—both visible and invisible.

Peacemaking Responses: The Narrow Middle Path

Between the extremes lies the heart of Ken Sande’s teaching—the Peacemaking Responses. This is the narrow, often difficult, but profoundly rewarding path of biblical conflict resolution. These responses are marked by honesty, humility, and a desire to reflect the gospel in how we handle conflict.

The peacemaking responses include:

  • Overlook: Choosing to forgive and let minor offenses go without making an issue.
  • Reconcile: Taking steps to restore broken relationships through honest conversation and grace.
  • Negotiate: Engaging in dialogue to find mutually acceptable solutions to disagreements.
  • Mediate: Bringing in a neutral third party to help facilitate resolution.
  • Arbitrate: Agreeing to accept the judgment of a third party in settling a conflict.
  • Accountability: Encouraging and helping someone to take responsibility for their actions and change behavior.

These responses require courage and self-control. They mean facing conflict head-on but with a spirit of gentleness and love, seeking not to win or punish but to restore and heal.

Why Peacemaking Is So Important

Living as a peacemaker is challenging because it requires:

  • Honesty: Recognizing the conflict and addressing it truthfully rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.
  • Humility: A willingness to examine our own part in the conflict and to listen with an open heart.
  • The Gospel: A foundation rooted in grace, forgiveness, and the hope of reconciliation modeled by Jesus Christ.

Choosing peacemaking over escape or attack honors God and builds stronger, healthier relationships. It prevents conflicts from escalating into bitterness or violence. Instead, it fosters understanding, mutual respect, and peace.

Practical Steps to Stay in the Middle

Knowing the slippery slope is helpful, but how do we actually live in that middle zone as peacemakers?

Here are some practical tips inspired by The Peacemaker:

  1. Don’t Ignore the Problem: Avoid denial. Acknowledge conflicts honestly rather than pretending they don’t exist.
  2. Don’t Run Away: Resist the urge to withdraw emotionally or physically. Face conflicts with courage.
  3. Stay Calm and Humble: When tensions rise, take a moment to pray and remind yourself of God’s call to humility.
  4. Seek to Understand: Listen carefully to the other person’s perspective before defending your own.
  5. Communicate Clearly and Kindly: Use “I” statements and avoid accusatory language.
  6. Be Ready to Forgive and Overlook: Not every offense needs to be addressed formally. Sometimes choosing to overlook is a biblical peacemaking response.
  7. Get Help if Needed: Don’t hesitate to involve mediators, counselors, or trusted advisors if the conflict is complicated.
  8. Focus on Reconciliation, Not Winning: Your goal is restored relationships, not scoring points or winning arguments.

Remember the Narrow Way

Jesus taught that the way of peace is narrow and often difficult (Matthew 7:13-14). The slippery slope metaphor reminds us that conflict responses can easily slide into unhealthy extremes if we’re not vigilant.

Yet, the rewards of choosing the path of peacemaking are immense:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Personal growth and maturity
  • Reflection of God’s love and grace
  • A testimony to the gospel in a hurting world

Final Thoughts

Ken Sande’s Slippery Slope of Conflict Responses is more than a chart—it’s a call to action. Conflict will come, but how we respond defines us and shapes the witness we bear.

By living in the center zone of peacemaking—handling conflict with honesty, humility, and gospel truth—we become agents of God’s peace in a fractured world.

So next time conflict arises, ask yourself: Am I leaning toward escape, attack, or peacemaking? May we choose the narrow way that leads to life, healing, and peace.

Inspired by Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker, a vital guide for anyone longing to reflect Christ’s peace in everyday conflicts.

 

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